I'm an avid reader of Elle magazine (Thanks for the subscription, Mum) and this month's edition focuses on 'fearless femininity' - a concept which I think people, and admittedly myself, find difficult to understand. Being a woman has considerably changed for the better over the past century, yet it has yet to evolve to be the best it possibly can be. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where gender equality and equal pay are yet to exist, but movements such as the HeForShe campaign are helping the women of today strive to create a better environment where both genders can coexist on an equal level.

As I've mentioned before, I grew up loving the colour black and anything dark and dreary. My brother and I would always swap our toys, so he would play with my Barbie dolls and I would much prefer his 'Action Man'. My favourite ever Jacqueline Wilson book was 'Midnight', as I felt that I related to Violet in her love for anything a bit extraordinary and I loved the fact that she was quite a dark and mysterious character, as opposed to the typical 'girly', happy-go-lucky, all singing all dancing characters that Jacqueline would often feature in her stories.

On the other hand my sister, Alice, who I'm pretty sure gets a special mention in every single one of my blogs, grew up living and breathing for the colour pink - with one of the most iconic moments of our childhood being her shouting 'I WANT TO BE A PINK GIRL' after watching the Tweenies and realising that Fizz was her ultimate role model. She also had a baby born (which still to this day freaks me out) and would take great joy in changing it's nappy and feeding it milk (from the bottle, may I just clarify).

As I got older I began to realise that most girls were more similar to Alice than they were to me. Playing family became a popular game in the playground, and it seemed that every girl wanted to be the mum and cook and clean for the family, whilst I was more than happy to be the baby and get everything done for me (I know for a fact that my Mum will now be thinking 'Nothing's changed there then).

However, once we grew up a little bit more, it became obvious that there were segregations between our gender. The girls would sit together, wearing their summer dresses and chatting about which celebrity they were crushing on at that moment in time and despite me not being typically girly, I would still join them, mainly because it seemed like the right thing to do - the girls all sit together and the boys play in the mud. On the other hand, the tomboys would run off and play football or climb trees with the boys without a care in the world as to whether they belonged there or not.

When high school began, it started to become apparent that girls could no longer join in a boy's football game, regardless of how 'boyish' they were. This mainly resulted in the tomboys adopting a more 'girly' demeanour and learning to sit with the girls at lunch or break time instead of running off with the boys.

This leads me on to the description of the word 'femininity'. Were the tomboys, who used to wear school shoes from the boys' section and shorts to school classed as feminine? Or was it just the girly girls who would bob around the playground with their dresses, socks and hair bobbles all matching that could be used to define this term?

What does the word 'femininity' even mean, though? I asked a few people this question, and here are some of the responses :

'Femininity is about loving yourself for who you are and embracing every aspect of your physical appearance and thought process. It's about defying societal standards (e.g. what's classed as ladylike), and just being yourself regardless of what others think femininity should stand for'.

'I think femininity is a characteristic that is expected of girls, like they should always behave in a polite and respectable way - within society it is even more expected as people frown upon girls if they don't act in a feminine way. It can also be identified by the way a girl dresses, as they are expected to wear dresses and skirts in feminine colours like pinks and pastels, and when a girl wears dark or "boyish" colours it isn't seen as respectable'.

'For me it means power, and it sort of empowers me? It helps me believe that equality will one day be present (hopefully)'

'The equality between all genders and all people, everywhere. It means peaceful and equal co-existence'

'I think it's being "lady like" and how much of a lady/woman someone is. Saying something's feminine is like saying it's girly, but I also think it's a positive thing'

'The way a woman embraces and expresses her own sexuality so, for me, I don't dress very "feminine" a lot of the time but I love my eyelashes, long hair and my boobs so I like to embrace, accentuate and express those parts of myself. I think it's mainly about expression and it's not one set thing anymore'

'The attributes of being female that contribute to your personality so appearance, demeanour and also the general idea of how women/girls should be'

'Being girly, enjoying makeup and hair and wearing pretty dresses'

What I found particularly interesting about all of these answers is how varied they all are to one another. There's no set idea of what it is that 'femininity' actually is, and in all honesty I do think it's personal to you. However, I don't think that it should discriminate any member of the female population as we are all unique and different in our own ways. If a woman wants to go out wearing lipstick and high heels, and another prefers wearing jeans, converse and a shirt then that is entirely up to them, and shouldn't be used as a deciding factor as to whether they are feminine or not.

Regardless of how much I've tried to be, I've never really been one of those stereotypical 'girly girls' who love pink, wearing dresses and applying makeup. I would wear jeans everyday if I could, and most of the time feel awkward and uncomfortable wearing a dress. I'm also so utterly tragic at applying makeup - it just never seems to go the way I want it to.

Does this make me less feminine?

The Google definition of the word uses the example of "She celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels" - well let me tell you, I celebrate more when I can rub my eyes without smudging the eyeliner that's taken me 15 minutes to get right, or when I'm wearing shoes that aren't crippling my poor feet. 

I think instead of reaching out for a definition of the word in a stereotypical and ignorant way, we should instead answer the question 'What does femininity mean to you?", with the simple answer of 

"Being a woman".

Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you next week!

Love, 

Grace x

To my younger self,

How weird is it that I am writing this? It feels both peculiar, yet oddly comforting at the same time. I love reading and watching things like this so thought that I may as well give it a go, perhaps in order to get closure or maybe just to put my thoughts into words. I have the strangest theory that we all live the same life over and over again, in order to correct our past mistakes - which is essentially why Déjà vu exists. If I think about that for too long it makes my head hurt, and I begin to question things that are so complex everything becomes muddled. 

So keeping this as simple as is humanly possible ... Hi. 

I wonder where you are when you're reading this - actually, lets be honest, you're probably in your room. You don't really get out much, do you? If I remember correctly, you spend most of your time watching makeup tutorials on YouTube or American Horror Story because you were suuuuuuch a wannabe goth. I hate to spoil it for you, but you're still not any better at makeup and American Horror Story doesn't get much better than Season 1. In terms of the whole goth thing, you still dress in pretty much all black, but the striped fingerless gloves and skull scarf have (thankfully) gone and are never to be seen again *cries*. 

You're also probably obsessing over some boy who doesn't even like you back. Heartbreaking, right? Let me tell you this, I wish that that could be the worst thing you will ever have to experience, but you will go through things that will put everything into perspective and eventually you'll realise that there are more important things in life than whether the feelings you feel for someone are reciprocated or not. I also wish I could prepare you for all of this, but no matter how much I could try, nothing ever will. Just keep in mind that you are stronger than you think, and things will eventually get better. 

Your family are probably starting to get on your nerves, ahhh the joys of teenage hormones. They presumably just 'don't understand' you, and are (rightly so) questioning why you think it's acceptable to wear black lipstick when it isn't even Halloween. Or why you go to school with your hair backcombed (oh dear). I don't mean to get all deep and philosophical here, but you will come to realise how much your family mean to you so please please please don't take them for granted. 

Stop caring what other people think. High school is an evil place, I think we're all aware of that. Everyone's trying to figure themselves out, but somehow feels they are restricted to the social norms and expectations. You can only be yourself, and if people don't like that then they don't have to be your friend. You are going to lose friends, and gain some and admittedly you'll probably have more fallouts a week than episodes of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' currently existing, but I guess that's just a part of growing up. I hope you find comfort in the fact that at 17 years old you'll have the best group of friends you could ever wish for, and you'll begin to understand the true meaning of friendship. 

Nothing is certain, and you should both thrive off that yet also be cautious of it. I hate to think that you are sat in your room and not experiencing life to the full. There are things you need to experience, and you have plenty of time to stay indoors once you begin to study A Levels. So, for now, go outside, meet up with friends and do all the things you will begin to miss once you get older and homework/revision alongside a part time job snatches most of your free time. 

Be gentle with yourself. There are things in life that you just can't control, and this is a big hurdle that you shall eventually overcome (although admittedly, I am still in the process of). There are things that are completely out of your control, and that doesn't mean that it's your fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, as there is nothing in the entire universe that you could've done to prevent it from happening. 

The way you look is truly not the be all and end all and, however cringey this sounds, you will eventually realise that true beauty is on the inside. No matter how many people call you names, the words 'ugly' and 'fat' do not define you, rise above it and realise that you are so much more than that. You are different and unique, and it's okay not to fit in with the crowd. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself - and the sooner you realise that, the better.

Cutting toxic people out of your life will be the best thing you will ever do. If people are making you unhappy, then they are no longer worthy of your company. You deserve friends who make you laugh and feel good, and who challenge and motivate you to become to best version of yourself. You will find them eventually, and they'll make you question what you ever did before them. Because, lets be honest, what's a world without Georgina Stone? 

Stop putting yourself down. You are smarter and stronger than you think you are, and someday I hope you realise that. I know that you are destined for greater things, but you need to believe in yourself first. One day you'll achieve your dreams and make everyone around you proud, but that's not going to happen if you're constantly doubting yourself. So, keep working for your success and I promise you that you'll get there eventually. 

I truly wish that you could read this.

Love, 

Grace x

I grew up with two siblings who I genuinely thought were the 'cleverest people in the entire world'. With us all being the same age, it was pretty much inevitable that comparisons would be made between us - not only in a physical sense, but also academic too. I'm not going to lie, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with school but I have always tried my very best, yet the outcomes have never been 'phenomenal', instead just resting a bit above average.

I remember that we would come back from parents evenings, get our school reports or receive grades from exams that we had sat, and I would, without fail, always feel disheartened by the fact that Alice and Luke would get top grades and fantastic reports, whereas mine were never quite so good. It's actually quite embarrassing looking back on it now how upset it used to make me. I put so much pressure on myself to get to their standard, and no matter how hard I tried I could never quite manage it.

This is going to sound so cheesy, but I always longed to find something that I was good at. Science and Maths were certainly not my speciality, along with other subjects that required a set answer. As you may probably know, if you're an avid reader of my blog or you know me personally, I do like to ramble on with myself ... so can you imagine me trying to explain the process of photosynthesis? I truly feel sorry for the person who had to mark my answers.

I have always been a creative person, mainly in the sense that I used to love to draw (note past tense, GCSE art utterly destroyed my hopes and dreams) and also that I used to create imaginary friends ... (come on, we all did it, right?). Visiting Art museums is something that I completely adore doing, and if any task is set which requires your own interpretations and creative thinking, then it's more than likely that I'll enjoy it.

It wasn't until around year 9 that I discovered my love for English. Don't get me wrong, it was always something that I enjoyed, but I just didn't have the confidence at all to believe that I may actually be good at it. As English began to get more advanced, and I began to learn about things such as metaphors, iambic pentameter and analysis, I genuinely couldn't get enough of it. Astray from popular opinion, I loved that Curley's wife's choice of dress had an endless array of representations and my essays turned into short novels. When I used to look at my timetable and see that I had English next, it actually excited me (*cringe*) as opposed to the terror I would feel when I saw that I had Science.

Then, I began to study Media in year 10. I remember sitting in that first lesson and thinking to myself 'This is what I want to do in the future'. It was a perfect combination of English and other creative elements, which was pretty much the full package for me. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I decided I wanted to be a Journalist, but I remember sitting in the careers office at school and confidently telling the woman that that's what I wanted to do - and her reply was simply 'start a blog'.

Now, as I think I've mentioned before, I toyed with the idea of a blog for a very long time, and kept putting it off with silly excuses such as 'I've got exams coming up' or 'I've got nothing to write about'. Ultimately, I knew that I was putting it off because I was worried about what people were going to say about it. How pathetic! I knew that it was something I would LOVE to do, but I strayed away from it because of the opinions of other people - 'would they think I was good enough?' 'Is what I have to say important?' are amongst the endless worries I had.

The support I have received from doing this has improved my self confidence more than anyone will ever know. From someone who never in a million years thought that they would ever find their passion in the way that others do, I cannot even express how much it means to get a simple message saying that you like the way I write.

Doing what you enjoy is so utterly important, and I think you should be proud of yourself for pursuing your hopes and dreams. There have been times when I have questioned why I'm not typically 'clever' and why I don't understand complex things in the way that others do and, if I'm completely honest, I think that comes down to school and the way in which we are conditioned from a young age. We are praised when we understand maths, science or history, yet if we're not particularly artistic or creative it doesn't seem to matter. I may save that rant for another blog post, yet it is something that I have personally been affected by. Who says that your intelligence is measured by how well you can memorise a theory or solve an equation? We are all human, yet we are all so diverse and different - isn't that what makes us interesting?

"To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality".

Hope you're having a fabulous day, and I'll see you next week!

Love,
Grace x

I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty terrified to post this - I think it's definitely going to be one of those 'turn your phone off and only switch back on when you find the courage to do so' posts. Before I begin, I would just like to say that I am, in no way at all, writing this is order to gain some sort of sympathy or attention. That is not what I, or this blog, is about in any way, shape or form. I'm writing this post because I think that it might help people, as I know that I would personally benefit from reading something like this.

In pretty much all of my posts, I write about things from a positive mindset, and almost paint this picture that I'm this happy and cheery bundle of joy all of the time. Although I would love nothing more than for that to be the truth, I want to be completely honest on here and just say that it isn't. Something I particularly do not want to do is create false ideals that you can be this way all of the time, as it is completely and utterly unrealistic.

Last week, I had one of the worst weeks I have experienced in a long time. For quite a while, I felt this sadness creep up on me, yet I constantly pushed it away and tried to distract myself from it. Yet it all built up, and then swarmed over me like some kind of tidal wave crashing down upon me. I guess something that triggered it off the most was Halloween, and thinking about all the memories I have of my childhood - which, in all honesty, still hurt me when I think about them. (Don't get me wrong, I had an absolutely fantastic childhood but, in light of recent events, it's painful to think about).

Normally, when I have an 'off' day, I'll just cry it out and get an early night - knowing that in the morning I'll feel better again. Yet when that didn't work, I began to get frustrated with it. Something I hate more than anything in the world is showing people when I'm hurting, and whenever I cry in front of people I become so angry with myself. The truth is, I don't want anyone to see me like that, because I don't want to upset them too. The reason why I get sad affects a lot of people who I see on a daily basis and, in all honesty, I don't want to be a painful reminder to them about what has happened this year. (Again, another reason why I'm anxious about posting this).

The thing is, it's okay not to be okay - and that really is something I find difficult coming to terms with. I wish more than anything that I could live the rest of my life being happy all of the time, laughing with friends and family, and having a permanent smile on my face, but the truth is - I can't. Grief is something that I am going to have to live with and come to terms with on my own account, and I can't just ignore it in the hope that it will all go away.

In one of my reoccuring episodes this week which mainly involved lots of tears and sore eyes, my mum recommended a book to me - Michael Renson's Sad Book. Whilst it mainly involves pictures by the same artist Roald Dahl used, the words included are entirely meaningful and definitely summed up how I've been feeling. My personal favourites include; "Sometimes I'm sad and I don't know why. It's just a cloud that comes along and covers me up", "I think people won't like me if I look sad" and "Sometimes I don't want to talk about it. Not to anyone. No one. No one at all. I just want to think about it on my own. Because it's mine. And no one elses".

I relate to all three of these quotes, and they definitely struck a chord when I read them. The one that mentions "I think people won't like me if I look sad" is something that I would really like to touch on. There's been times when I've felt that I can't feel the way I do, because people will just think I'm a misery guts and that'll be annoying for them. I don't want to sit there with a glum face when I'm with my friends and family, but then I don't want to sit there and pretend to be happy when, I'm really not. However, I do think that you have a right to express how you're feeling in any way that you want to, and whether you would prefer to conceal it with a smile, then that it completely your choice. Likewise, if you're similar to me and find it hard to hide how you're feeling then it's completely okay for you to show it - your friends and family love you dearly, and they all want to help you in any way that they can.

Most of the time when I feel like this, I shut myself off. I push people away and just want to be alone, mainly just wishing for it all to go away. The thing I've come to realise, is that it doesn't just leave, no matter how much you want it to. Allow yourself to feel, and I know that is so much easier said than done, but all this hurt you're feeling right now and all the tears you're crying - it's all healthy and good for you. By doing this, you're letting out your emotions instead of them building up into something huge and impossible to deal with.

I think I cried more tears last week that I have ever cried before in my life, and in all honesty I thought this overwhelming sadness was a feeling that was here to stay. Yet something in me snapped, and I got up, dusted myself off and came to the realisation that I could either spend my days moping around in baggy sweatshirts and crying over every little thing or I could learn from this experience and know that the next time I feel like this again, I'll let myself feel the way I do and ultimately be stronger because of it - "this too shall pass".

So, I bought myself the most ridiculous slippers I could find on ASOS, and vowed that whenever I feel sad again, I can look down at my feet and remember that "it's okay not to be okay", but I am able cope with anything life throws my way.

On that note, I just wanted to add my usual sprinkle of positivity and round this post off by saying that you are in no way defined by what has happened to you, I believe it's the way that you cope with it that is a real justification of who you are.

... There it is. I'm sorry that this post was a bit doom and gloom, but I really wanted to touch on this subject!

See you next week

Love,
Grace x

You know those nights when your brain seems incapable of switching off, and you have about a million different thoughts flying around your head, making it an ever bigger challenge to actually fall asleep? I experience this a lot of the time, with random memories flooding into my thoughts, and the other night this very thing happened. One memory in particular has had me thinking about it ever since...

When I was around six or seven years old, I went to Rainbows. (For those who don't know what that is, it's the youngest section of Girl Guiding in the UK - it starts off with Rainbows, then goes to Brownies, and then Guides). One particular day, we were asked about what scared us, and whilst everybody else were saying the typical and somewhat expected answers, such as spiders, heights and fireworks, I said 'teenagers'.

I'm not going to lie, when I remembered this in the early hours of the morning on Monday night, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. I mean, I'm seventeen years old now and I am possibly the least scariest person you will ever meet. When thinking about why I would've replied with that answer many moons ago, I can't help but be certain that the 'teenagers' I was thinking about were the ones that the media represents our generation to be like. The stereotypical skinheads who are up to no good, who hang around in groups and whom you would most definitely avoid walking down alleyways in the dark, in fear of bumping into.

Like my younger self, so many other people are scared of us. Older people forget that they too were a teenager once, and they probably went through exactly the same things that we are currently going through at this moment. Ask yourself this, how many times have you smiled at an old person and they've looked at you in shock, either completely surprised that you have actually smiled at them, or frozen in fear that you are about to cause trouble? I know it's certainly happened to me on a few occasions.

Teenagers are either represented as irresponsible, or completely responsible. We are currently being pressured into making decisions that will heavily influence our future - for example, either choosing what subject we are going to study, or choosing what university that we want to go to - yet up until the later years of our teens, we are not allowed to vote. We are allowed to drive a car, yet (legally) we aren't allowed to consume alcohol. We usually do exactly the same jobs that people over the age of eighteen do, yet we are paid less than they are, and public transport (I'm mainly referring to trains here) into the nearest city (Manchester) costs more than our hourly wage. We're stereotyped as being lazy, yet are studying for the hardest exams we will possibly ever have to take alongside having a part time job and maintaining an existing social life.

I can't help but get angry about how much we are downplayed and negatively judged - both in the media, and also within society itself. Although we are repeatedly told that 'these days will be the best days of your life', sometimes it definitely doesn't feel like it.

But don't get me wrong, sometimes there's days when I wish that I could stay this age forever. There's things that we take for granted at this age -like having a roof over our heads, people looking out for us, a cooked meal every night, our laundry being done for us. We don't have to worry about mortgages, about taxes, or whether our monthly income is enough to afford to feed our family.

Responsibility and commitment are concepts that scare me. I know that when the time comes, I'll be ready for all of that, but I'm not rushing for it to happen. When we're younger, we're always in such a rush to grow up and once we do, we would give anything to be young again.

Being a teenager definitely has it's cons - mood swings, negative stereotyping and not being able to have a say in things that will massively affect our future (*cough* brexit *cough*), yet it also has it's pros - seeing your best friends every day, not being inundated with constant responsibilities and the hope and excitement for the future that we will go on to have.

Many people around me seem to be in such a rush to grow up, and (obviously) that's completely fine - each to their own and all that jazz - but I definitely want this time to last for as long as it possibly can. When 7th April comes around and I turn eighteen, I might feel different then, but I know that right now I'm enjoying being young - and if you want to call me immature, then that's completely fine by me.

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week!

Love,
Grace x

p.s. I keep meaning to mention this in my posts, but my gorgeous friend Scarlett has a new blog which is AMAZING!! You can find it here