I am currently sat in my bedroom, alone, after being surrounded by my family for the past couple of days. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that there is only 4 more days until Sherlock is back on TV, but I am feeling totally, utterly and completely content. I have many blog posts whereby I mention the importance of surrounding yourself with great people, but I really don't think I can say it enough. Although I'm probably being biased here, my family are my favourite people in the world, and I am honestly the happiest person alive when I am in their company.

Seeing as this is the last blog post of 2016, I felt that it was only right to reflect upon the year in a way that wasn't just sharing my top 9 pictures on Instagram. Although I don't want this post to be negative and dull, I can't ignore the fact that this year has been the most difficult years of my entire life. I have lost people who I never thought I would, and in result of this lost a part of myself - one that I know I will never get back. There are people who I miss every single day, and who I would trade places with in a flash - if only I could. For months I was ridden with this guilt that would make me question what right I had to be here, when the people I knew 'deserved' to be here, weren't.

I'm still battling with these thoughts, but they're not as loud as they used to be. I know for a fact that I can't spend the rest of my life questioning why things happened - because the truth is, they just did. We have all these expectations that when people are ill, they'll get better and that you'll only say goodbye to the world once you're old and have lived a full and happy life - but in reality that's just a fairytale. Something I've learnt this year, and as cliche as it sounds, is that we need to live every single day like it's our last and make sure to tell people just how important they are to us. (Funnily enough, whenever I try to do this to my Mum or Dad, they just think I'm after something).

There's no way in hell that I'm going to sit here and just focus on the awful things that happened in 2016, because that is just not my style. There are 365 days in a year and despite the fact that, admittedly so, a large percentage were spent in utter, utter misery, there were some happy times to. This year I met some of the best people I ever have, I found something I loved to do, I did things that scared me and I grew as a person. I realised my strengths, and my weaknesses. Although I would love to say that I am now a mature young lady, I simply cannot lie. Despite the fact that I have changed, I know that it'll take a lot more than that for me to ever be described as 'mature', I guess it simply isn't in my nature.

I hate cheese, but this post is about to get as cheesy as the 'Quattro Fromaggi' pizza I once ordered in Italy which genuinely put me off cheese for life. (The smell, the way it looked ... it all still gives me nightmares). I know that sometimes it gets easy to become tied up with all the negative things in your life, and sometimes the positive and the good things get pushed aside and ignored, but I personally think that the best 'medicine' for sadness is to focus on the happiness that you've endured too. Even in times of indescribable pain, I've always taken a minute to be consoled by the happy memories that I have experienced beforehand. This is going to sound like the most cringey and cliche thing ever, but here is something that I always reflect back on;

On the day that the worst thing imaginable happened, I'm not going to write it here, but I'm sure that many of you can guess what it was, I remember feeling like the world had stopped turning. Everything froze, and time seemed like it wasn't even a concept anymore. It was just like a dream that I couldn't wake up from and I lost sense of reality - because even when you know that something is going to happen, it doesn't mean that you can ever prepare for it when it does. Yet a few hours later, I began to hear cars zooming past outside and, as weird as this sounds, all I could think about was that 'life goes on'. And, at the end of the day, it does.

When I'm sad, I find myself thinking about that. Although your world stops - the rest of the world carries on. I also find myself thinking about all the times I've laughed so much I can barely breathe, the times I've danced with my favourite people in the entire world, or even the times when I've found solace in a book that I've never read before (wow, how nerdy). There is so much to experience, and sometimes I find that I have no time to be sad - because I just want to carry of living.

However, that being said, that's not a healthy way to be. I find myself constantly trying to find new ways to distract myself, in order to stop myself from feeling things that I just really don't want to feel. Although when I feel myself getting low, I can move on from it by thinking about the time I laughed so hard I spat tomato soup all over my Nanna and Grandad's white table cloth, I think it would be a lot better in the long run if I sat and endured the pain - instead of letting it build up into something that becomes a lot harder to deal with.

So, I guess that's New Year Resolution Number 1. I think another would be to do more things that scare me, and to stray away from my comfort zone every now and then - because, that tends to be when the best things happen. I am obviously going to carry on with my blogging - my silly little rambles that people seem to enjoy (!!!), and hope that 2017 brings me exciting things to write about!

I don't want this post to be too long, as I think people may begin to get bored of my silly self, but I just wanted to say a quick thank you. I think this may sound like a speech at an awards ceremony, (cue my dad saying a comment such as 'An award for the biggest idiot' or something along those lines...) but I wanted to follow my own advice and tell people who I care about just how much they mean to me.

To my amazing family, this year has been tough on every single one of us, but we've all managed to pull through together. The way you've stuck by me, and continued to make me laugh even on the worst days imaginable has been the most important factor in getting me through this year. I hope I've done the same for you (even though my jokes are terrible, and usually only end with me laughing). I am utterly grateful that I am able to spend time with such strong, vibrant people and I hope 2017 brings us more happy memories together.

To my lovely friends, you are the best people I have ever met. In times where I've felt so alone, you've shown me that I'm not - and waking up on Christmas morning to your lovely messages meant more to me than you will ever know or understand. It breaks my heart to think that in a couple of months time we won't be spending every day together, but I know that we'll always be friends, regardless of whether we see each other once a week or once a year. I hope 2017 brings you more fun and laughter, and that you don't get sick of me (but lets be real, you're stuck with me).

And to anyone else reading this. Although there's been many jokes (by my 'amazing family') that it's just myself clicking on my posts 10,000 times, every single person who reads my blogs has helped me more than they could ever imagine. The support I have received is completely overwhelming, and it still baffles me that people want to read what I write. I find it strange that there's people all over the world who are reading this, but I hope that the words I write help you in any way that they can.

I've got such positive thoughts for 2017, and am looking forward to immersing in a fresh, new year with promises of a new start and new beginnings.

I hope you have a lovely new year, and I'll see you in 2017 (aGHHH!)

Love,
Grace x

Here is a little ramble I once wrote at 1am, I guess it is very bitty and may not make sense in some parts, but I think there's some important messages in here (I hope you agree!!). 

Believing in myself is something that I find almost impossible. When times get hard and it seems as though the walls inside my being are crashing down, I can’t help but question my own capabilities and wonder how different things would be if only I was more intelligent, more beautiful or even more interesting. The question 'am I good enough' is one that I find whirling round my brain repeatedly, crushing down my confidence little by little each time. Yet when I have time to think about it, I realise that there is no such thing as 'good enough' - in every context, there is always going to be someone 'better' than you ... but why does that feel like a competition? 

I've never been one of those people who are top of the class, definitely not the best sports player, or even won a competition before (except from a short story one, woo!). Being 'good enough' isn't a measure that I'm forcing other people to base me off, it's more about how I see myself. I write in my blogs about not caring what people think and, trust me, that is the truth - yet I'm still trying to find a way of not being so bloody hard on myself. I'm constantly finding things that I've done wrong or that I need to improve on, yet fail to celebrate the achievements I have to my name. 

I think when difficulty strikes, this is the easy way out. To believe in yourself is something that people, and of course I’m more biased towards teenagers (because I am one), find especially challenging - and I really wish I knew why. I think, again stereotypically, that something this worth is based on is purely to do with image, and the way that we look. There's so much pressure nowadays to look a certain way - all primped and 'flawless', and it really does act as such a massive factor in the way that we feel about ourselves. 

We all have this idea of ‘perfection’ which is so utterly ridiculous - because there is no such thing! If you ask someone to define perfect, then I can guarantee that they won’t be able to conjure up the words to explain it (unless they say something like ‘Benedict Cumberbatch’ … In that case, I completely agree)! 

It’s times like this where we need to look back and think about all the things we have achieved in such a small time frame of existence. The possibilities we have are endless, whether that be our future, the outfits that we can create using items already in our wardrobes, the choices that we can make every single day … and the list goes on. 

The term ‘infinity’ is a catalyst for many elements to ourselves which live inside our bodies and need the opportunity to come out and show to the world just how bright we can shine. 

Personally, writing is my infinity. I find a release from the repeated tapping on my laptop keys, that I am yet to find elsewhere. Writing makes me feel good, and even better when I am congratulated or rewarded from doing so. I cannot even begin to express how it feels when people message me saying that they love my work, or that it has helped them in some way. It is as though the stars have lit up inside of me and expanded to create a galaxy to show me that the opportunities I have are endless. 

When typing, I have no real idea what is going to appear on the page. Sometimes it even shocks me, scares me or surprises me. I then realise that this is also an aspect of ‘infinity’… My little infinity which lives inside of me, and helps me to understand my own thoughts and feelings in a creative and expressive way. 

I look at myself in the mirror when trying on a dress, and see that there are infinite ways I can look which could make this dress look considerably better - or even worse. I have infinite thoughts buzzing around my brain which are in a battle deciding whether I should crumble down in despair at my reflection in this deceitful piece of glass, or hold my head high and tell the world that I am proud of who I am and what the universe has turned me into.

Strangers. We look around and spot people that we have never seen before, and will never see again, and there’s a complete essence of beauty in that. Looking into their eyes, there are infinite things that they could be feeling, thinking, doing or creating … all in the vast infinity of their minds. I've mentioned about my fixation on people I've never met and will never meet before - there really is just something that completely fascinates me about that concept.

I guess feelings could be described as an infinity. Every day when you wake up, there are infinite things that you could be feeling, and that number expands due to the things we experience on that particular day. In the world, there are infinite things that could be happening at this very moment in time, even stuff that we don't even know about. 

There’s so much colour in the world, brought to us by the darkest of things. Yes, there’s hate, crime, violence, homophobia and awful, awful things that happen all across our beautiful planet, but it’s only in the darkest of times that we realise how bright we, and everyone else around us, shine. A spectrum of colours and an infinite amount of love. 

The world is our oyster, and it is our right to protect it and make it our own. 

Our little infinity.  

Hope you have a lovely week, and an even lovelier Christmas!

Love,

Grace x

I felt obliged to write this post - knowing that there's other people out there who, like myself, are going to have a very different Christmas this year. I have been through many 'firsts' this year - one being 'our' birthday, yet I knew that Christmas was always going to be the most difficult. There's no escaping it - Christmas is everywhere, and whilst I used to love and relish in this, there's a certain sadness to it now that cannot be explained unless you are experiencing it yourself.

I've been dreading this time of year since ... well, the start of this year, if I'm perfectly honest. The thought of an empty seat at the dinner table, a name missing off the christmas cards we receive and one less pile of presents sends cold shivers down my spine, and fills me with a dread so deep I believe that I could drown in it.

Christmas has always been one of my favourite times of year - I love how there's this global, festive cheer, and (almost) everyone seems to be in a good mood. Yet before now I've always taken it for granted, believing that each Christmas would always be the same for years to come. I expected my mum to be taking the 'annual christmas card' pictures of the three of us every year, whilst we all cringed at the prospect that our faces were going to be displayed on the mantle pieces of distant relatives we'd only met a handful of times before.

Truth be told, I had visions that the entire month of December I was going to be in this extreme state of sadness - tearing up every single time I saw a christmas tree and noticeably cringing every time someone even mentioned anything remotely festive - yet it hasn't been like that at all. Of course, I'm not going to sit here and claim that there hasn't been moments where the pain of losing someone who utterly adored this time of year hasn't hit me hard - trust me, there's been plenty of those - but I've also found great comfort in the memories of the Christmases we all shared together.

Anyone who knew Luke will remember that he had a different Christmas jumper for every day of the week - and would take great pride in wearing them whenever he went out and about. I will never forget the grumpy look on his face when Alice and I used to wake him up at 6am so we could all check whether 'Santa' had been, or when he would sing the Christmas carols at the Church service so over dramatically it would have us all in stitches. Something I still laugh about to this day is when he went out and bought the biggest angel for the top of the Christmas tree he could possibly find, or how the three of us had a tradition of watching The Polar Express every single Christmas eve.

All of these memories are so precious, and I know that I will treasure them for the rest of my life. I know that it's going to be different this year, and that the traditions will feel incomplete, but it's also so important to carry them on. Being filled with dread over the inevitable seems silly to me, so instead I'm going to embrace it. (I've been listening to 'Do they know it's Christmas' on repeat, and it puts me in the best mood ever).

For anyone who has lost someone close to them, and are finding this time of year hard (understandably so), I think that instead of focusing on the sadness that Christmas brings to your family, you should also take comfort from the memories of the Christmases you spent with your loved one, too.

I wish I had some great advice on how to make the pain go away, but I'm still trying to figure that one out myself - all I can say is that sometimes the sheer thought of how something is going to be, is often worse than it actually turns out. There's no denying that Christmas day is going to be a tough one, but I know that being surrounded by family will make it so much easier to endure. That being said, we don't have a choice but to celebrate Christmas in a way that Luke would want us to - except for the waking up at 6am part, I'm an old lady now!

I hope you're having a lovely week, and I'll see you next wednesday!

Love,
Grace x

I've just come back from watching a film called 'Tangerine' at Home cinema in Manchester and felt utterly inclined to write about it. It was shot using an Iphone 5s and followed members of a transgender community in downtown LA.

Aside from all the technicalities and digital aspects of the film, something that stood out to me a great deal was the representation of the trans women, who worked as prostitutes in order to earn money. Instead of the stereotypical representations, which usually follow a introvert coming to terms with who they are, and hiding their 'big secret' from the rest of the world - these women were truly confident with who they were, and made absolute no effort at all to hide it.

The film follows Sin-dee (Rella) and Alexandra - two transgender best friends, who live what can only be described as a 'colourful life'. Sin-dee has just been released from prison, only to find out that her boyfriend (who we later find out to be her fiancé) has cheated on her with a cisgender (a woman who was biologically born a female) and goes around town trying to track this lady down. The moment when she finds her was a scene that I found absolutely hilarious - I'm not going to spoil it though - and she proceeds to drag her through town by her hair (I guess this wasn't so funny).

Although the film follows a mainly comedic genre, there were also some utterly tragic moments too. One being when Alexandra has to pay the money, which she is exploited in order to earn, just to perform a couple of songs in a bar. Only 2 people turn up to watch - Sin-dee and her 'hostage' Dinah. Whilst I half expected the performance to be cheesy and the kind of thing you'd see on RuPaul's Drag Race, it was the complete opposite. The songs she sang were heartbreaking and beautiful, and really made you see the life they live in a completely different way.

The things is, although they come across as bold, bright and fierce, the only job they seem to have is as prostitutes, which I actually found quite disrespectful. Although the director was trying to defy stereotypes, which he certainly did in one way, he didn't representing the characters as having any ambitions or goals, and they were still isolated from society. Whilst Sin-Dee conformed to her role, and knew that her only option was to embrace her lifestyle, it was clear that Alex saw beyond the confinements that were set against her and was desperately trying to break away from them.  

The setting in Tangerine seemed so bright and colourful, yet underneath the surface it was so utterly corrupt. It really was a beautifully artistic and aesthetically pleasing film, with a lot of scenes that had me in hysterics, but it was juxtaposed with this element of sadness that I haven't seen projected in any film in a long time. I would completely, totally and utterly recommend watching it - and I know that I will definitely be watching it again.

Okay, I'm going to go on a little rant now. It takes a lot to annoy me, it honestly really does. Yet once I'm annoyed, it's final and there's no going back from there. Something that particularly gets on my nerves is when people are discriminative and judgemental towards other members within society, and I really just cannot stand it. It's unfair that people are defined by the way they look and how people feel the need that they should have an opinion on it.

After the screening of the film, we were all asked to feedback on our thoughts towards it. Although I am aware that everyone is obviously entitled to their own opinions and values - and I think it's great that we live in a democracy where we are able to do that - I listened to someone refer to the characters as 'transgender men, women, whatever they are' and I was disgusted. Just because we are born either male or female, I really don't think that should define who we are. I hear on the news or social media that people feel 'trapped in their own bodies' and it really really upsets me to think that people are hurting because of that. People feel that they can't be their true selves because of the reaction from other people, and I hate to think about it. We are either male or female, depending on what we identify as, and I don't believe anyone else other than ourselves should have the right to dictate that decision for us.

Something else that annoyed me was the usage of the word 'normal'. I know people perhaps were trying to explain their points, I do think more thought should've gone into it rather than defining the characters between 'the trans ones and the normal ones'. Because, what is normal? It's a word we use a lot, but what does it really mean? We are all so different and diverse in many ways, but what's the difference between what's 'normal' and what's 'not normal'? UGH.

This post has definitely taken a turning point, but I just couldn't hold in my anger and felt the need to write about it - so voila! One last thing that annoys me in general, yet I was reminded of today, is when people feel like they can justify their discrimination and pure ignorance by saying 'I'm friends with transgender people/black people/gay people etc' in order for their points to not come across as racist, homophobic or transphobic. Yet, what I fail to understand is that if you're friends with people, and have seen firsthand the struggles they have gone through, then why do you think that it's okay to add to them? If you're 'friend' heard what you were saying, do you not think they'd be offended? I just don't get it, I really really don't.

I'm sorry, I think I just needed to get that off my chest. It hurts me to think that we live in a world that can be so unaccepting and discriminative, making it difficult for vulnerable people to feel comfortable with who they are -  and the sheer thought that someone out there is living with the pain of pretending to be someone they know they're not, just in order to 'fit in', honestly breaks my heart.

I guess that's all for now and, again, apologies for the rant.

Love,
Grace x

I'm an avid reader of Elle magazine (Thanks for the subscription, Mum) and this month's edition focuses on 'fearless femininity' - a concept which I think people, and admittedly myself, find difficult to understand. Being a woman has considerably changed for the better over the past century, yet it has yet to evolve to be the best it possibly can be. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where gender equality and equal pay are yet to exist, but movements such as the HeForShe campaign are helping the women of today strive to create a better environment where both genders can coexist on an equal level.

As I've mentioned before, I grew up loving the colour black and anything dark and dreary. My brother and I would always swap our toys, so he would play with my Barbie dolls and I would much prefer his 'Action Man'. My favourite ever Jacqueline Wilson book was 'Midnight', as I felt that I related to Violet in her love for anything a bit extraordinary and I loved the fact that she was quite a dark and mysterious character, as opposed to the typical 'girly', happy-go-lucky, all singing all dancing characters that Jacqueline would often feature in her stories.

On the other hand my sister, Alice, who I'm pretty sure gets a special mention in every single one of my blogs, grew up living and breathing for the colour pink - with one of the most iconic moments of our childhood being her shouting 'I WANT TO BE A PINK GIRL' after watching the Tweenies and realising that Fizz was her ultimate role model. She also had a baby born (which still to this day freaks me out) and would take great joy in changing it's nappy and feeding it milk (from the bottle, may I just clarify).

As I got older I began to realise that most girls were more similar to Alice than they were to me. Playing family became a popular game in the playground, and it seemed that every girl wanted to be the mum and cook and clean for the family, whilst I was more than happy to be the baby and get everything done for me (I know for a fact that my Mum will now be thinking 'Nothing's changed there then).

However, once we grew up a little bit more, it became obvious that there were segregations between our gender. The girls would sit together, wearing their summer dresses and chatting about which celebrity they were crushing on at that moment in time and despite me not being typically girly, I would still join them, mainly because it seemed like the right thing to do - the girls all sit together and the boys play in the mud. On the other hand, the tomboys would run off and play football or climb trees with the boys without a care in the world as to whether they belonged there or not.

When high school began, it started to become apparent that girls could no longer join in a boy's football game, regardless of how 'boyish' they were. This mainly resulted in the tomboys adopting a more 'girly' demeanour and learning to sit with the girls at lunch or break time instead of running off with the boys.

This leads me on to the description of the word 'femininity'. Were the tomboys, who used to wear school shoes from the boys' section and shorts to school classed as feminine? Or was it just the girly girls who would bob around the playground with their dresses, socks and hair bobbles all matching that could be used to define this term?

What does the word 'femininity' even mean, though? I asked a few people this question, and here are some of the responses :

'Femininity is about loving yourself for who you are and embracing every aspect of your physical appearance and thought process. It's about defying societal standards (e.g. what's classed as ladylike), and just being yourself regardless of what others think femininity should stand for'.

'I think femininity is a characteristic that is expected of girls, like they should always behave in a polite and respectable way - within society it is even more expected as people frown upon girls if they don't act in a feminine way. It can also be identified by the way a girl dresses, as they are expected to wear dresses and skirts in feminine colours like pinks and pastels, and when a girl wears dark or "boyish" colours it isn't seen as respectable'.

'For me it means power, and it sort of empowers me? It helps me believe that equality will one day be present (hopefully)'

'The equality between all genders and all people, everywhere. It means peaceful and equal co-existence'

'I think it's being "lady like" and how much of a lady/woman someone is. Saying something's feminine is like saying it's girly, but I also think it's a positive thing'

'The way a woman embraces and expresses her own sexuality so, for me, I don't dress very "feminine" a lot of the time but I love my eyelashes, long hair and my boobs so I like to embrace, accentuate and express those parts of myself. I think it's mainly about expression and it's not one set thing anymore'

'The attributes of being female that contribute to your personality so appearance, demeanour and also the general idea of how women/girls should be'

'Being girly, enjoying makeup and hair and wearing pretty dresses'

What I found particularly interesting about all of these answers is how varied they all are to one another. There's no set idea of what it is that 'femininity' actually is, and in all honesty I do think it's personal to you. However, I don't think that it should discriminate any member of the female population as we are all unique and different in our own ways. If a woman wants to go out wearing lipstick and high heels, and another prefers wearing jeans, converse and a shirt then that is entirely up to them, and shouldn't be used as a deciding factor as to whether they are feminine or not.

Regardless of how much I've tried to be, I've never really been one of those stereotypical 'girly girls' who love pink, wearing dresses and applying makeup. I would wear jeans everyday if I could, and most of the time feel awkward and uncomfortable wearing a dress. I'm also so utterly tragic at applying makeup - it just never seems to go the way I want it to.

Does this make me less feminine?

The Google definition of the word uses the example of "She celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels" - well let me tell you, I celebrate more when I can rub my eyes without smudging the eyeliner that's taken me 15 minutes to get right, or when I'm wearing shoes that aren't crippling my poor feet. 

I think instead of reaching out for a definition of the word in a stereotypical and ignorant way, we should instead answer the question 'What does femininity mean to you?", with the simple answer of 

"Being a woman".

Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you next week!

Love, 

Grace x

To my younger self,

How weird is it that I am writing this? It feels both peculiar, yet oddly comforting at the same time. I love reading and watching things like this so thought that I may as well give it a go, perhaps in order to get closure or maybe just to put my thoughts into words. I have the strangest theory that we all live the same life over and over again, in order to correct our past mistakes - which is essentially why Déjà vu exists. If I think about that for too long it makes my head hurt, and I begin to question things that are so complex everything becomes muddled. 

So keeping this as simple as is humanly possible ... Hi. 

I wonder where you are when you're reading this - actually, lets be honest, you're probably in your room. You don't really get out much, do you? If I remember correctly, you spend most of your time watching makeup tutorials on YouTube or American Horror Story because you were suuuuuuch a wannabe goth. I hate to spoil it for you, but you're still not any better at makeup and American Horror Story doesn't get much better than Season 1. In terms of the whole goth thing, you still dress in pretty much all black, but the striped fingerless gloves and skull scarf have (thankfully) gone and are never to be seen again *cries*. 

You're also probably obsessing over some boy who doesn't even like you back. Heartbreaking, right? Let me tell you this, I wish that that could be the worst thing you will ever have to experience, but you will go through things that will put everything into perspective and eventually you'll realise that there are more important things in life than whether the feelings you feel for someone are reciprocated or not. I also wish I could prepare you for all of this, but no matter how much I could try, nothing ever will. Just keep in mind that you are stronger than you think, and things will eventually get better. 

Your family are probably starting to get on your nerves, ahhh the joys of teenage hormones. They presumably just 'don't understand' you, and are (rightly so) questioning why you think it's acceptable to wear black lipstick when it isn't even Halloween. Or why you go to school with your hair backcombed (oh dear). I don't mean to get all deep and philosophical here, but you will come to realise how much your family mean to you so please please please don't take them for granted. 

Stop caring what other people think. High school is an evil place, I think we're all aware of that. Everyone's trying to figure themselves out, but somehow feels they are restricted to the social norms and expectations. You can only be yourself, and if people don't like that then they don't have to be your friend. You are going to lose friends, and gain some and admittedly you'll probably have more fallouts a week than episodes of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' currently existing, but I guess that's just a part of growing up. I hope you find comfort in the fact that at 17 years old you'll have the best group of friends you could ever wish for, and you'll begin to understand the true meaning of friendship. 

Nothing is certain, and you should both thrive off that yet also be cautious of it. I hate to think that you are sat in your room and not experiencing life to the full. There are things you need to experience, and you have plenty of time to stay indoors once you begin to study A Levels. So, for now, go outside, meet up with friends and do all the things you will begin to miss once you get older and homework/revision alongside a part time job snatches most of your free time. 

Be gentle with yourself. There are things in life that you just can't control, and this is a big hurdle that you shall eventually overcome (although admittedly, I am still in the process of). There are things that are completely out of your control, and that doesn't mean that it's your fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, as there is nothing in the entire universe that you could've done to prevent it from happening. 

The way you look is truly not the be all and end all and, however cringey this sounds, you will eventually realise that true beauty is on the inside. No matter how many people call you names, the words 'ugly' and 'fat' do not define you, rise above it and realise that you are so much more than that. You are different and unique, and it's okay not to fit in with the crowd. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself - and the sooner you realise that, the better.

Cutting toxic people out of your life will be the best thing you will ever do. If people are making you unhappy, then they are no longer worthy of your company. You deserve friends who make you laugh and feel good, and who challenge and motivate you to become to best version of yourself. You will find them eventually, and they'll make you question what you ever did before them. Because, lets be honest, what's a world without Georgina Stone? 

Stop putting yourself down. You are smarter and stronger than you think you are, and someday I hope you realise that. I know that you are destined for greater things, but you need to believe in yourself first. One day you'll achieve your dreams and make everyone around you proud, but that's not going to happen if you're constantly doubting yourself. So, keep working for your success and I promise you that you'll get there eventually. 

I truly wish that you could read this.

Love, 

Grace x

I grew up with two siblings who I genuinely thought were the 'cleverest people in the entire world'. With us all being the same age, it was pretty much inevitable that comparisons would be made between us - not only in a physical sense, but also academic too. I'm not going to lie, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with school but I have always tried my very best, yet the outcomes have never been 'phenomenal', instead just resting a bit above average.

I remember that we would come back from parents evenings, get our school reports or receive grades from exams that we had sat, and I would, without fail, always feel disheartened by the fact that Alice and Luke would get top grades and fantastic reports, whereas mine were never quite so good. It's actually quite embarrassing looking back on it now how upset it used to make me. I put so much pressure on myself to get to their standard, and no matter how hard I tried I could never quite manage it.

This is going to sound so cheesy, but I always longed to find something that I was good at. Science and Maths were certainly not my speciality, along with other subjects that required a set answer. As you may probably know, if you're an avid reader of my blog or you know me personally, I do like to ramble on with myself ... so can you imagine me trying to explain the process of photosynthesis? I truly feel sorry for the person who had to mark my answers.

I have always been a creative person, mainly in the sense that I used to love to draw (note past tense, GCSE art utterly destroyed my hopes and dreams) and also that I used to create imaginary friends ... (come on, we all did it, right?). Visiting Art museums is something that I completely adore doing, and if any task is set which requires your own interpretations and creative thinking, then it's more than likely that I'll enjoy it.

It wasn't until around year 9 that I discovered my love for English. Don't get me wrong, it was always something that I enjoyed, but I just didn't have the confidence at all to believe that I may actually be good at it. As English began to get more advanced, and I began to learn about things such as metaphors, iambic pentameter and analysis, I genuinely couldn't get enough of it. Astray from popular opinion, I loved that Curley's wife's choice of dress had an endless array of representations and my essays turned into short novels. When I used to look at my timetable and see that I had English next, it actually excited me (*cringe*) as opposed to the terror I would feel when I saw that I had Science.

Then, I began to study Media in year 10. I remember sitting in that first lesson and thinking to myself 'This is what I want to do in the future'. It was a perfect combination of English and other creative elements, which was pretty much the full package for me. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I decided I wanted to be a Journalist, but I remember sitting in the careers office at school and confidently telling the woman that that's what I wanted to do - and her reply was simply 'start a blog'.

Now, as I think I've mentioned before, I toyed with the idea of a blog for a very long time, and kept putting it off with silly excuses such as 'I've got exams coming up' or 'I've got nothing to write about'. Ultimately, I knew that I was putting it off because I was worried about what people were going to say about it. How pathetic! I knew that it was something I would LOVE to do, but I strayed away from it because of the opinions of other people - 'would they think I was good enough?' 'Is what I have to say important?' are amongst the endless worries I had.

The support I have received from doing this has improved my self confidence more than anyone will ever know. From someone who never in a million years thought that they would ever find their passion in the way that others do, I cannot even express how much it means to get a simple message saying that you like the way I write.

Doing what you enjoy is so utterly important, and I think you should be proud of yourself for pursuing your hopes and dreams. There have been times when I have questioned why I'm not typically 'clever' and why I don't understand complex things in the way that others do and, if I'm completely honest, I think that comes down to school and the way in which we are conditioned from a young age. We are praised when we understand maths, science or history, yet if we're not particularly artistic or creative it doesn't seem to matter. I may save that rant for another blog post, yet it is something that I have personally been affected by. Who says that your intelligence is measured by how well you can memorise a theory or solve an equation? We are all human, yet we are all so diverse and different - isn't that what makes us interesting?

"To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality".

Hope you're having a fabulous day, and I'll see you next week!

Love,
Grace x

I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty terrified to post this - I think it's definitely going to be one of those 'turn your phone off and only switch back on when you find the courage to do so' posts. Before I begin, I would just like to say that I am, in no way at all, writing this is order to gain some sort of sympathy or attention. That is not what I, or this blog, is about in any way, shape or form. I'm writing this post because I think that it might help people, as I know that I would personally benefit from reading something like this.

In pretty much all of my posts, I write about things from a positive mindset, and almost paint this picture that I'm this happy and cheery bundle of joy all of the time. Although I would love nothing more than for that to be the truth, I want to be completely honest on here and just say that it isn't. Something I particularly do not want to do is create false ideals that you can be this way all of the time, as it is completely and utterly unrealistic.

Last week, I had one of the worst weeks I have experienced in a long time. For quite a while, I felt this sadness creep up on me, yet I constantly pushed it away and tried to distract myself from it. Yet it all built up, and then swarmed over me like some kind of tidal wave crashing down upon me. I guess something that triggered it off the most was Halloween, and thinking about all the memories I have of my childhood - which, in all honesty, still hurt me when I think about them. (Don't get me wrong, I had an absolutely fantastic childhood but, in light of recent events, it's painful to think about).

Normally, when I have an 'off' day, I'll just cry it out and get an early night - knowing that in the morning I'll feel better again. Yet when that didn't work, I began to get frustrated with it. Something I hate more than anything in the world is showing people when I'm hurting, and whenever I cry in front of people I become so angry with myself. The truth is, I don't want anyone to see me like that, because I don't want to upset them too. The reason why I get sad affects a lot of people who I see on a daily basis and, in all honesty, I don't want to be a painful reminder to them about what has happened this year. (Again, another reason why I'm anxious about posting this).

The thing is, it's okay not to be okay - and that really is something I find difficult coming to terms with. I wish more than anything that I could live the rest of my life being happy all of the time, laughing with friends and family, and having a permanent smile on my face, but the truth is - I can't. Grief is something that I am going to have to live with and come to terms with on my own account, and I can't just ignore it in the hope that it will all go away.

In one of my reoccuring episodes this week which mainly involved lots of tears and sore eyes, my mum recommended a book to me - Michael Renson's Sad Book. Whilst it mainly involves pictures by the same artist Roald Dahl used, the words included are entirely meaningful and definitely summed up how I've been feeling. My personal favourites include; "Sometimes I'm sad and I don't know why. It's just a cloud that comes along and covers me up", "I think people won't like me if I look sad" and "Sometimes I don't want to talk about it. Not to anyone. No one. No one at all. I just want to think about it on my own. Because it's mine. And no one elses".

I relate to all three of these quotes, and they definitely struck a chord when I read them. The one that mentions "I think people won't like me if I look sad" is something that I would really like to touch on. There's been times when I've felt that I can't feel the way I do, because people will just think I'm a misery guts and that'll be annoying for them. I don't want to sit there with a glum face when I'm with my friends and family, but then I don't want to sit there and pretend to be happy when, I'm really not. However, I do think that you have a right to express how you're feeling in any way that you want to, and whether you would prefer to conceal it with a smile, then that it completely your choice. Likewise, if you're similar to me and find it hard to hide how you're feeling then it's completely okay for you to show it - your friends and family love you dearly, and they all want to help you in any way that they can.

Most of the time when I feel like this, I shut myself off. I push people away and just want to be alone, mainly just wishing for it all to go away. The thing I've come to realise, is that it doesn't just leave, no matter how much you want it to. Allow yourself to feel, and I know that is so much easier said than done, but all this hurt you're feeling right now and all the tears you're crying - it's all healthy and good for you. By doing this, you're letting out your emotions instead of them building up into something huge and impossible to deal with.

I think I cried more tears last week that I have ever cried before in my life, and in all honesty I thought this overwhelming sadness was a feeling that was here to stay. Yet something in me snapped, and I got up, dusted myself off and came to the realisation that I could either spend my days moping around in baggy sweatshirts and crying over every little thing or I could learn from this experience and know that the next time I feel like this again, I'll let myself feel the way I do and ultimately be stronger because of it - "this too shall pass".

So, I bought myself the most ridiculous slippers I could find on ASOS, and vowed that whenever I feel sad again, I can look down at my feet and remember that "it's okay not to be okay", but I am able cope with anything life throws my way.

On that note, I just wanted to add my usual sprinkle of positivity and round this post off by saying that you are in no way defined by what has happened to you, I believe it's the way that you cope with it that is a real justification of who you are.

... There it is. I'm sorry that this post was a bit doom and gloom, but I really wanted to touch on this subject!

See you next week

Love,
Grace x

You know those nights when your brain seems incapable of switching off, and you have about a million different thoughts flying around your head, making it an ever bigger challenge to actually fall asleep? I experience this a lot of the time, with random memories flooding into my thoughts, and the other night this very thing happened. One memory in particular has had me thinking about it ever since...

When I was around six or seven years old, I went to Rainbows. (For those who don't know what that is, it's the youngest section of Girl Guiding in the UK - it starts off with Rainbows, then goes to Brownies, and then Guides). One particular day, we were asked about what scared us, and whilst everybody else were saying the typical and somewhat expected answers, such as spiders, heights and fireworks, I said 'teenagers'.

I'm not going to lie, when I remembered this in the early hours of the morning on Monday night, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. I mean, I'm seventeen years old now and I am possibly the least scariest person you will ever meet. When thinking about why I would've replied with that answer many moons ago, I can't help but be certain that the 'teenagers' I was thinking about were the ones that the media represents our generation to be like. The stereotypical skinheads who are up to no good, who hang around in groups and whom you would most definitely avoid walking down alleyways in the dark, in fear of bumping into.

Like my younger self, so many other people are scared of us. Older people forget that they too were a teenager once, and they probably went through exactly the same things that we are currently going through at this moment. Ask yourself this, how many times have you smiled at an old person and they've looked at you in shock, either completely surprised that you have actually smiled at them, or frozen in fear that you are about to cause trouble? I know it's certainly happened to me on a few occasions.

Teenagers are either represented as irresponsible, or completely responsible. We are currently being pressured into making decisions that will heavily influence our future - for example, either choosing what subject we are going to study, or choosing what university that we want to go to - yet up until the later years of our teens, we are not allowed to vote. We are allowed to drive a car, yet (legally) we aren't allowed to consume alcohol. We usually do exactly the same jobs that people over the age of eighteen do, yet we are paid less than they are, and public transport (I'm mainly referring to trains here) into the nearest city (Manchester) costs more than our hourly wage. We're stereotyped as being lazy, yet are studying for the hardest exams we will possibly ever have to take alongside having a part time job and maintaining an existing social life.

I can't help but get angry about how much we are downplayed and negatively judged - both in the media, and also within society itself. Although we are repeatedly told that 'these days will be the best days of your life', sometimes it definitely doesn't feel like it.

But don't get me wrong, sometimes there's days when I wish that I could stay this age forever. There's things that we take for granted at this age -like having a roof over our heads, people looking out for us, a cooked meal every night, our laundry being done for us. We don't have to worry about mortgages, about taxes, or whether our monthly income is enough to afford to feed our family.

Responsibility and commitment are concepts that scare me. I know that when the time comes, I'll be ready for all of that, but I'm not rushing for it to happen. When we're younger, we're always in such a rush to grow up and once we do, we would give anything to be young again.

Being a teenager definitely has it's cons - mood swings, negative stereotyping and not being able to have a say in things that will massively affect our future (*cough* brexit *cough*), yet it also has it's pros - seeing your best friends every day, not being inundated with constant responsibilities and the hope and excitement for the future that we will go on to have.

Many people around me seem to be in such a rush to grow up, and (obviously) that's completely fine - each to their own and all that jazz - but I definitely want this time to last for as long as it possibly can. When 7th April comes around and I turn eighteen, I might feel different then, but I know that right now I'm enjoying being young - and if you want to call me immature, then that's completely fine by me.

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week!

Love,
Grace x

p.s. I keep meaning to mention this in my posts, but my gorgeous friend Scarlett has a new blog which is AMAZING!! You can find it here 

Within the space of 24 hours, I travelled to two locations which were complete and utter polar opposites. The first on being the vibrant and highly cultured city of Liverpool, and the second being the tranquil and quaint village of Hayfield.

Although I have already uploaded a post on Wednesday (you can find it here), I have absolutely fallen in love with blogging and just thought I'd tap out a quick post on what I have been up to this past week.

The October Holidays - the Fallon's favourite half term. The previous school term honestly felt like it dragged on forever, and I don't think I've felt happiness like it when last Thursday came around, signifying a week of relaxing, re-cooperating and expectations of getting a tonne of work done (which most definitely has not happened ... please tell me I'm not the only one!!??).

It has since become tradition that every half term we visit a different city, and this year we decided to go to Liverpool. Although an overnight stay is usually on the cards, the hotels were completely booked up - which we later learned was due to the football being on.

This aside, we knew we had limited time, so we sure as hell made the most of it! A tour on an open top bus, - which resulted in me realising that I most definitely do not suit the windswept look (my 'My Little Pony' wooly hat managed to conceal my crazy barnet just a tad) - was followed by lunch at Pizza Express, which Alice took great joy in repeatedly reminding us that she works there - we get the message, yeah -  and then we were let loose on the shops.

There's no denying that I love visiting new cities, exploring their surroundings and seeing what they have to offer. I love the vibrant buzz of life that they encompass, and how the occupants seem to flee from all directions - with places to be, things to do and people to see.

One of my all time favourite things to do is people watch (I'm not a weirdo, I promise ...). There's something so relaxing about sitting down in a busy area and watching the people who rush past you, completely unaware of your existence. I find the concept that every person we pass on the street has their own story and leads a life that we are so blissfully unaware of so interesting, and sometimes when we sit and just watch we become that step closer to figuring all of that out.

Looking at what people are wearing is another reason I like to people watch, as it really brings to my attention just how diverse we all are as individuals. In the space of just 10 seconds, I saw so many different styles and cultures pass where I was sitting - which I always find both fascinating and liberating to see. I love that people can express themselves and everything they stand for through what they wear and how they present themselves, and it truly makes me happy when people do that.

So, now onto the countryside. I love nature, and I love going for walks, but somehow I can't help but feel like I could never settle down and reside there. The quietness is comforting for a while, yet after a while it begins to become ever so slightly harrowing. Although, any time my sister and I go anywhere - it becomes anything but quiet ... Wow, does that girl annoy me. (only joking sissy xx)

That being said, switching off from everything for a while and being in the fresh air never fails to soothe me. Having limited signal and no wifi at all seems to be a modern day horror story - we become so dependent on technology that we sometimes find it difficult to go on without it. I really want to work on switching off my phone for at least a couple of hours a day, as I find myself being so much more productive and less distracted whenever I do this.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this extra post ... I'm feeling so motivated with this blogging malarky, and would LOVE to know if you have anything you'd like me to write about!

See you on Wednesday!

Love, 
Grace x