A letter to my younger self

To my younger self,

How weird is it that I am writing this? It feels both peculiar, yet oddly comforting at the same time. I love reading and watching things like this so thought that I may as well give it a go, perhaps in order to get closure or maybe just to put my thoughts into words. I have the strangest theory that we all live the same life over and over again, in order to correct our past mistakes - which is essentially why Déjà vu exists. If I think about that for too long it makes my head hurt, and I begin to question things that are so complex everything becomes muddled. 

So keeping this as simple as is humanly possible ... Hi. 

I wonder where you are when you're reading this - actually, lets be honest, you're probably in your room. You don't really get out much, do you? If I remember correctly, you spend most of your time watching makeup tutorials on YouTube or American Horror Story because you were suuuuuuch a wannabe goth. I hate to spoil it for you, but you're still not any better at makeup and American Horror Story doesn't get much better than Season 1. In terms of the whole goth thing, you still dress in pretty much all black, but the striped fingerless gloves and skull scarf have (thankfully) gone and are never to be seen again *cries*. 

You're also probably obsessing over some boy who doesn't even like you back. Heartbreaking, right? Let me tell you this, I wish that that could be the worst thing you will ever have to experience, but you will go through things that will put everything into perspective and eventually you'll realise that there are more important things in life than whether the feelings you feel for someone are reciprocated or not. I also wish I could prepare you for all of this, but no matter how much I could try, nothing ever will. Just keep in mind that you are stronger than you think, and things will eventually get better. 

Your family are probably starting to get on your nerves, ahhh the joys of teenage hormones. They presumably just 'don't understand' you, and are (rightly so) questioning why you think it's acceptable to wear black lipstick when it isn't even Halloween. Or why you go to school with your hair backcombed (oh dear). I don't mean to get all deep and philosophical here, but you will come to realise how much your family mean to you so please please please don't take them for granted. 

Stop caring what other people think. High school is an evil place, I think we're all aware of that. Everyone's trying to figure themselves out, but somehow feels they are restricted to the social norms and expectations. You can only be yourself, and if people don't like that then they don't have to be your friend. You are going to lose friends, and gain some and admittedly you'll probably have more fallouts a week than episodes of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' currently existing, but I guess that's just a part of growing up. I hope you find comfort in the fact that at 17 years old you'll have the best group of friends you could ever wish for, and you'll begin to understand the true meaning of friendship. 

Nothing is certain, and you should both thrive off that yet also be cautious of it. I hate to think that you are sat in your room and not experiencing life to the full. There are things you need to experience, and you have plenty of time to stay indoors once you begin to study A Levels. So, for now, go outside, meet up with friends and do all the things you will begin to miss once you get older and homework/revision alongside a part time job snatches most of your free time. 

Be gentle with yourself. There are things in life that you just can't control, and this is a big hurdle that you shall eventually overcome (although admittedly, I am still in the process of). There are things that are completely out of your control, and that doesn't mean that it's your fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, as there is nothing in the entire universe that you could've done to prevent it from happening. 

The way you look is truly not the be all and end all and, however cringey this sounds, you will eventually realise that true beauty is on the inside. No matter how many people call you names, the words 'ugly' and 'fat' do not define you, rise above it and realise that you are so much more than that. You are different and unique, and it's okay not to fit in with the crowd. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself - and the sooner you realise that, the better.

Cutting toxic people out of your life will be the best thing you will ever do. If people are making you unhappy, then they are no longer worthy of your company. You deserve friends who make you laugh and feel good, and who challenge and motivate you to become to best version of yourself. You will find them eventually, and they'll make you question what you ever did before them. Because, lets be honest, what's a world without Georgina Stone? 

Stop putting yourself down. You are smarter and stronger than you think you are, and someday I hope you realise that. I know that you are destined for greater things, but you need to believe in yourself first. One day you'll achieve your dreams and make everyone around you proud, but that's not going to happen if you're constantly doubting yourself. So, keep working for your success and I promise you that you'll get there eventually. 

I truly wish that you could read this.

Love, 

Grace x