I've been feeling so uninspired recently. With my blog posts, I can usually just log onto my laptop and BAM! about a zillion words come flooding out. But right now my thoughts are scattered, and I am struggling to write about anything at all. I've currently got 5 different tabs up, with random thoughts occupying each one. HOWEVER, I can't have a Wednesday night without a blog post so I thought that I may as well just share with you a few of my favourite stories that have happened in my life, that will (hopefully!) make you laugh.

I'm one of those people who always has a story to tell. If you know me well, then you have certainly heard this one before...


This one honestly physically repulses me every time I think about it, but I'm going to suck it up and just write about it. So, my family and I have been to Holland a couple of times now and we used to stay on this site which had a theme park and water park attached. Whilst it was fantastic, I know deep down that I could never go back there again - which is entirely due to the story I am about to tell you.

There was this ride there called the Mad Mill, which was basically a giant circle ride that would spin around and swing you up really high. (I'm so awful at explaining things so I'll insert a video of it here). We had been on it before, and I absolutely LOVED it! It would always make you feel really dizzy afterwards, but the good kind of dizzy which would make you laugh uncontrollably (or, maybe that was just me).

So, we'd just got belted up and then this couple walked on - the girl sat next to me and the boy next to her. The ride is going at full speed, and we're very high up when all of a sudden I hear the horrific sound of someone emptying their stomach. I look to my right and the boy is being sick - not only all over himself, but over his poor girlfriend too. Because the ride was spinning round, his vomit was going EVERYWHERE and I mean E V E R Y W H E R E. I shut my eyes and tried to block it out, when I suddenly feel something land on my leg. Trying to stay calm, I open my eyes to investigate.

There was a speck on his regurgitated food on my leg.

Now, I most definitely have mentioned before in one of my blog posts my extreme phobia of sick. So, as you can imagine, I was FREAKING OUT. The guy controlling the ride had, for some reason, failed to realise what was going on, and all I could think about was tHE FACT THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S SICK ON MY LEG.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, am I right? I tried to turn my back on him, to scream to my 'lovely and supportive' sister Alice that 'SOMEONE HAS JUST THROWN UP ON MY LEG" whilst practically breaking my back in the process, and she just looks at me, laughs and says 'What do you want me to do about it?'.

The ride finally stopped and I shot out my seat, running faster than I have ever ran in my life - high jumping over clumps of vomit in the process. I hopped down the stairs, my sick splattered leg high up in the ground - as far away from me as I could physically manage - getting to the nearest food stall so I could grab a napkin and finally feel clean again.

And that, my friends, is why you DON'T EAT BEFORE YOU GO ON A SPINNING RIDE. Before you proceed in doing that, please think about the poor sods (like myself) who will be eternally scarred due to your pathetic actions.

This, like the Mad Mill story, happened a couple of years ago - I'd like to think I've got a bit less embarrassing since then, but it's more the case of the embarrassing things that have happened aren't really appropriate to put on here (oops!). So, I was 14 years old - it was the Summer holidays and myself, Alice and Georgina had gone to the cinema to watch Anchorman (I'm pretty sure it was that anyway).

Anchorman is a 15, yet we were cocky as hell and thought that we looked mature enough to get away with it. So, we queued up to get the tickets and everything was running smoothly - my ego was rapidly growing and I was getting ready to hand over the money when the woman serving us goes, "Can I just double check, how old are you all?".

Now, I am an absolute rubbish liar - which tends to be a good thing, except for when I'm faced with situations like this one. Trying to do my best Meryl Streep impression, I confidently said "Oh, we're all 15" - which clearly wasn't as convincing as I originally believed it was. To this, the lady then replied "When's your birthday?".

I am absolutely awful at Maths and logical thinking, which I'm sure you are all aware of. So, instead of doing the normal thing and just saying my actual birthday yet changing the year I, admittedly the biggest idiot of all time, went "It's my birthday today actually!".

I'm not going to lie to you, I thought I'd nailed it.

That was until she said the dreaded words, the utterance that completely threw me off guard - "What date is it today then?". Okay, I struggle with knowing what date it is on a daily basis - but expecting me to know it during THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS? That's just cruel.

I'm not proud to admit this, but I panicked. I stumbled with my words, and the lady at the desk saw right through my lies. Instead of waiting for me to respond, she shot me back down with the heavily sarcastic interrogative "You don't even know the date of your own birthday?".

Anyone in this situation would've perhaps cracked, yet I wore my pride like a badge, and remained there with my head held high. That was until she suggested the 'other films' we could watch instead - all of which were PG animation films. Funnily enough, watching Tinkerbell & Friends, didn't particularly take my fancy - and we left the cinema in a state of confusion, embarrassment and dismay.

This is my family's favourite story of all time - at any gathering of sorts, this one seems to be brought up every. single. time.

I was in year 1, and I truly thought I owned the place (there seems to be a theme here, doesn't there?!). I was never really one to turn down a good dare, and when my friend challenged me to crawl across one of the big tables in our classroom, I simply couldn't say no.

The classroom was dark, and I assumed it was empty. All was fine and dandy, I was halfway across the table when something in the corner of the room caught my eye - my teacher. She was standing in the dark eating her sandwich, and if I wasn't so shocked I would've been a bit creeped out. (A modern day Dracula?)

I froze. Mid crawl. With my mouth wide open, and my eyes wide in shock. It seemed like we both spent an eternity staring at each other, seeing who was going to be the first person to speak. So, I did what I do best - ran away. I jumped off that table as though I was Jessica Ennis competing in the Olympics and ran as if my life depended on it.

I remember thinking I'd got away with it, and trying my best to be the first one out of the door when the bell rang to signal the end of the school day. However, my mother is a chatterbox, and in primary school we would usually spend an extra hour in the playground whilst she conversed with the other mums. My teacher followed me out, and asked if she could speak to my mum - the dreaded moment was about to occur. I was internally saying my prayers, hoping that whatever the consequences for my actions may be - I would make it out okay.

My mum still remembers the conversation with my teacher, yet I have tried my best to erase it from my memory. She recalls being told of what I'd done, and desperately biting her cheeks in order not to laugh in the teacher's face - who clearly took the matter very seriously.

I remember being in the car on the way home, and my entire family taking the mick out of me for what I'd done - to which my 6 year old self sulkily replied "I don't wan't to talk about it". (It'd been a long and stressful day, okay!).

Right, well I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day! I hope you enjoyed this blog post, I had such a laugh to myself whilst writing it.

See you next week!

Grace x


Post a Comment

recent posts