Finding happiness again

Just over a week ago, I was inspired by the strangest reflection on my bedroom wall and ended up writing this post on the notes section on my phone. I have refrained from posting this on my blog for about a week now, in fear that this post was overly cringey and pathetic. But I have decided to bite the bullet so here it is ...


It was around 11:30pm and I was getting ready to get into bed (I live a pretty wild life, I know). I had my glass of water on my nightstand and had left my phone face down next to it. I must've accidentally pressed the torch on as I was suddenly blinded by the brightest light. For some reason, my gaze was directed towards the wall facing me and I noticed a little rainbow reflection shining back at me.

Those who know me will be aware that science is most definitely not a strong point of mine, and instead of looking at things like this and wondering how they have happened - I much prefer sitting back and just admiring the beauty without feeling inclined to figure out how it has been created. "We murder to dissect" is a perception that I feel very strongly about.

This little 'miracle' (which I am now referring to it as) made me feel overjoyed, and had me sat on my bed smiling like a crazy person for a lot longer than I care to admit. A few months ago, I probably wouldn't have even noticed this 'magic' appearing before me, I would've just grumbled at the bright light shining in my eyes. This sudden realisation got me thinking about how much I have changed over the past couple of months.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have no choice but to stay positive, regardless of how difficult it is to do so. Now, I am most certainly not looking for sympathy at all here - as I have come to absolutely HATE that - but the past year has been difficult, to say the least. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is something that I have lived by and repeated in my head again and again every single day.

I think that after trauma occurs in your life, it is so easy to tell yourself that life as you know it has ended and that you will never truly be happy again. Part of that is true - your life won't be the same again, but that doesn't mean that you won't ever find happiness.

Over the past year I have developed an extremely positive outlook on life, which - I admit - can be exhausting at times when you would just prefer to stay in bed and close yourself off from everyone around you. Trying to see the good in every situation is challenging at times but also rewarding, especially when you learn to appreciate the little things and not letting silly trivial things bother you as much as they used to.

I strongly believe that every day is a new day, a new beginning and the time to make a decision - 'am I going to be happy or sad today'. To that I (most of the time) answer "HAPPY!!!".

Don't get me wrong, I don't bounce out of bed singing Pharrell Williams' 'Happy' (after sharing a room with my sister for two weeks, she will tell you that that most definitely is not the case) but once I've had my morning coffee I usually develop my regular positive attitude to see me through to the rest of the day.

Something you should constantly ask yourself is 'What makes you happy?'. For me, I would say writing and generally making a bit of an idiot of myself (and Benedict Cumberbatch ... but let's not get into that) - hence why I set up a blog. Your own happiness is personal to you, and the only person who can determine and expand your happiness further is ... YOU.

Happiness, to me, also stems from who you surround yourself with. One thing that I personally cannot stand is being around negative people who like to complain a lot. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends and family, who have gotten me through some of the toughest days of my life. If you surround yourself with people who you can laugh and joke around with, yet also know will stick by you no matter what then I believe you can get through anything. Laughing until your stomach hurts with your favourite people in the entire world has got to be one of my all time favourite feelings.

So there it is. Thank you for reading, and I hope that this has helped in any way that it possibly can. I am planning on writing a LOT more blog posts - I forgot how much I loved writing things that aren't essays - so hopefully see you again very very soon.

Grace x


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